Scrooge McDuck's Long Lost Sister Found
by Eogrus
Summary: Matilda McDuck's final fate is revealed at last...in another plane, no less.


To this day, many mourn the disappearence of Scrooge McDuck's long lost sisters, Matilda and Hortense. To the shock of many, recent genetic studies and recently found historical documents may have revealed not only the final resting place for Matilda, but also a rather dark conclusion to her story. According to main investigator Tamyio, Matilda is actually Kamigawa's long gone mad tyrant, Lord Takeshi Konda.

"Our team of researchers have decided to examine Konda's petrified remains in search of any potential signs for immortality transfer" lunar researcher Tamyio said, "We broke them further apart and examined them under an aetherial microscope for any signs of lingering magic associated with what we were looking for. Instead, we found traces of a polymorphic spell that I have seen in some planes, but never in Kamigawa. For curiousity's sake, we examined any potential genetic imprints on the rocks just to be sure. We were suffice to say shocked, because they more closely matched an anatid's molecular structure rather than any mammal's."

"For confirmation, we turned to the Konda lineage's historical documents, and we found something astonishing. The pre-dynastic origins of the Konda lineage have been something of intense debate, but a newly recovered manuscript from Minamo's fault showcases a reccord of a large, white duck being grotesquely transformed into a human being. Previously, the very first members of the dynasty were depicted with bird-beaks, once thought to be a representation of their eloquence. It's now unambiguous that they are rather literal depictions of their appearence."

Comparations of the petrified DNA to all known ducks show that it best matches that of famous millionaire's long lost sister, Matilda McDuck.

"At first, we didn't want to believe it, but an examination of one of Matilda's disapparence's seventy known sightings showcases one particular event that may be her true fate."

Said sighting, Tamyio says, is the "Danville Apparition", a sighting usually dismissed as a hoax by Disney authorities. There are fourteen known variations, but they all focus on a mysterious purple portal opened by a demonic-looking dragon that opened a gateway to another dimension, melting Matilda's flesh and rearranging it into a monstruous visage. Variations include that this being was any manner of evil nether horrors from Yawgmoth to Pinkie Pie, whereas the shade of purple was magenta or indigo, or whereas the final destination was, usually interpreted to be Narnia. Tamyio believes that the destination was Kamigawa, that the shade of purple was lavender, and that the culprit is Nicol Bolas.

"First off, the aetherial traces are of a specific wavelength that produces lavender light, and also because we have recovered what appears to be a photo of the portal in Konda's personal chambers. Second, who the hell else would be?"

Reporters have since marched en masse to Nicol Bolas' relaxation dimension for confirmation. Here's what he had to say:

"Yes, my evil plan is finally going into motion! GOAT BALLS, IT WAS GOAT BALLS ALL ALONG!"

So, as it appears, the beloved, long mourned duck lady has ben horrifically transformed not onlyinto a human with a silly beard, but also one of Kamigawa's most detested politicians and the cause of over nine thousand deaths. There are still details that are debated, however, namely whereas Konda was actually Matilda, or one of her descendents.

"While the presence of an intense historical dynasty muddies waters somewhat, we believe Konda is the real Matilda" Jin-Gitaxias answers, "as polymorphic spells usually don't have such an enduring impact across an entire genetic generation. The previous Konda rulers were presumably other birds turned into humans, with Konda being the apex of this perfection. Indeed, while we sadly have no genetic imprints of other Kondas, Takeshi's DNA is a near perfect match of Matilda's."

On the onset of these disturbing revelations, Scrooge has gone missing, most believing that he has comitted suicide, based on gunshots heard in his vault. Michiko Konda/Kyodai is reported to be very ashamed and embarassed, refusing to answer any questions. Tamyio has expressed a desire to obtain samples from her, a plan that seemingly involves sending her flowers and buying her drinks. 


End file.
